Goat Jokes & Funny Goats

Humans love hilarious moments. Some crack jokes to make other laugh. Some funny antics of people make others in vicinity to laugh. Many consider animals as funny, hence goats also comes under funny animals. Goats are curious and strange at times. Playful antics of funny goats can make one laugh in a big way.

You can watch a great deal of funny goats’ videos on some television channels, youtube, and other online websites. There is numerous jokes related to goats are there in usage.

When goats become scared they do certain weird stuffs, and it will look extremely funny to us. Goats feel itchy about their heads. Therefore, they search for anything that can help them in scratching. Do not be amazed, they might scratch their head even to our body. There are many bizarre scratching instances involving the goats. While talking about funny goats, their curiosity makes them hilarious.

If you give something say a cap, they will be curious enough to check whether it could eat. Since goats can climb, you might find them in some unusual places out of their curiosity, entangled in mess. Many a time, you will not be able to stop laughing seeing goats kicking down kids and elders. Do not make goats to chase you; you might end up in a funny brawl.

In one sense, the fainting goats are termed as the funny goats. It is because if they are startled or excited their muscles stiffen and hence they faint down. After a few minutes you will find them, jumping and running as if nothing happened. It is quite a funny scene to see a group of fainting goats fainting down together, by deliberately exciting them. The scenery of goats fainting sometimes looks funny though it is painful for them.

What do you call a royal goat wearing denim? Billy Jean King.

What do you call a goat with a beard? It is goatee!

Why is it hard to carryon a conversation with a goat? Because they are always butting in.

What do you call a goat that lip-syncs? Billy Vanilli.

What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.

What do you call a goat on a mountain? Hillbilly.

Who did the goats vote for as president? Billy Clinton.

What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university? Billy Dean.

What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol.

These are some of the popular funny goat jokes.

Kids are quite fond of funny goats and they enjoy playing with them. Kids tease the goats and make them do some silly things. There are some funny goat cartoon characters.

Many companies use the images of funny goats in their merchandises. What a smart way to lure customers, right!

People involved in goat care come across numerous goat jokes as well as funny goats. Goat care becomes enjoyable when the person giving care and the goat enjoys each other’s company.

Goats are so affectionate and playful. Hence, there will be some hilarious moments all the way.

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This is a great business joke that has been circulating online for a couple of years now. It’s pretty funny to begin with, but even funnier if you have some basic knowledge and understanding of economic structures and financial systems.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk  themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said: “I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior.”

David was astounded at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued:

“May I ask what the chicken did?”

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

“What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks.

“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”

So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.

“If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!”

The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler  female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest  Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest  puppy from each litter, removed his siblings which gave him all  the milk. After five years came up with the biggest meanest  dog the world had ever seen.
Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and  nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up  with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund.  Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there  was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with  the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it’s  cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian  dog snarled and leaped out of it’s cage and charged the American  dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund’s  neck, the Dachshund opened it’s mouth and consumed the Russian  dog in one bite.

There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in  disbelief. “We don’t understand how this could have happened.  We had our best people working for five years with the meanest  Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest  meanest Siberian wolves.”

“That’s nothing”, an American replied. “We had our best plastic  surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look  like a Dachshund.”

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”

“Yes”, the wife answers, “why do you ask?”

Frustrated, the man answered, “Put the little bastard on the phone, I’m lost and need directions.”